Nikkita Foursouls

In today’s society 

There’s this twisted unrealistic idea of love 

It is believed that when you love someone 

You never hurt them 

You never lie to them 

You never give up on them 

And sadly 

You never leave them 

Regardless of your happiness. 

I stand before you today 

Not confessing and asking for forgiveness from you 

But from the Creator and my own heart 

Both of which I have neglected and ignored 

I am Nikkita Kiniminia Four Souls 

My native name is Na-gi-mato (spirit bear) 

Daughter of Lori Walker and Allesandro Foursouls 

And I confess 

I choose me 

I will not apologize or regret 

Choosing to leave someone or a situation  

To focus on my heart and mind 

But I will apologize if in the process it hurt you 

The process of learning to love myself though 

I will not regret  

All those times I was sent away since the beginning of high school 

To a variety of treatments  

And I may have not appreciated it  

But I admit I needed it, 

I realized that when I loved myself first 

I wanted to live 

Not for someone else, but for me 

I was shown what real love was 

Love that fed your soul and made you feel alive 

I learned that people who love you 

Are going to be honest with you completely 

Regardless of if hurts you or not 

I also learned that if you leave someone  

It doesn’t mean you don’t love them 

It just means you love yourself more then to put yourself through that hurt 

Because though love can be beautiful- 

If not done right, 

It will only hurt you. 

I was shown what to look for in a person, 

To keep in mind 

The warning signs that they’re only going to hurt you 

After all it’s my heart that’s at stake if I choose to ignore those signs 

And keep them in my life because I chose to love them 

More than myself 

I was taught while I was away 

That never speaking up when someone hurt me  

Was a disloyalty towards myself 

That the concept of arguing with someone who hurt you regardless of their status 

Wasn’t necessarily toxic 

It seems I have neglected the teachings I was taught while away 

I chose to ignore them and jeopardized my heart as I chose to fight 

For those I loved more than myself 

No more though 

I apologize to those I have hurt since leaving 

But that’s not who I am anymore. 

I’m not willing to go through so much for someone if they’re not willing to grow as a person 

And admit when they’re in the wrong 

The whole idea of arguing is to get to the root of the problem 

Deciding from there where to go 

If the process of understanding what the problem is  

is taking too long and beginning to weigh on your mind 

Then if from there you choose to love yourself 

You decide whether or not this relationship or connection 

Is worth your mental state of mind and connection with the Creator 

I recently graduated from Montana Youth Challenge 

And I almost lost myself since coming back  

I chose to love someone more than I loved myself yet again, 

Only this time I walked away before it could get too far 

Forgive me Creator 

I lost sight of you fighting for someone I should have let go 

I lost sight of me 

But no more 

For I choose me 

And I’ll keep choosing me